11 Ways I Am NOT Like Dan Halen!

 

11 Ways I Am Not Like Dan Halen!

1.   I never hid facts about my possessions:  No one ever asked me if my bone chess set was made of HUMAN bone or not.

2.   I have always been extremely generous. The fact its with other people’s money is irrelevant,

3.   I have never tried to cover up or conceal my age -  I do however find it offensive that no one ever considers is might be ANOTHER Maalac that signed Dan’s Yearbook.

4.   I do not constantly run around nude – Those charges were dismissed.

5.   Unlike Dan I have a large amount of  “junk”. My endowment is…O.K. you got me! On that one we are just alike in this one way.

6.   I do not belittle or mock my fellow man. That I do not feel completely deserve it

7.   I do not attempt to play God or pervert the laws of nature for profit. It is strictly for entertainment purposes with me.

8.   Unlike Dan I have never harmed an animal. I am SURE there is an animal I have not harmed out there (just waiting to be discovered).

9.   I have never owned a slave. All of mine are temps.

10.  I do not have a sinister laugh. Mine is more a laugh of malevolence.

11.  I do not have a field of sheriff clones. I think the common man’s vernacular for mine is “kitty” or something like that I don’t keep up with the utterances considered to be words that come out of those chitlin-smeared armpits that you call mouths.